just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
