So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
