Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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