You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think your dad took our porno
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
