Need sex. Gaining weight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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