Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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