We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
