His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
