I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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