i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
