gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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