So drunk its hurt
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
