Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have aggressive nipples.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
