I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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