She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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