it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
