Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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