Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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