I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
