for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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