i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
