Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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