I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
