we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
