Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
