You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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