they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
