I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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