you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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