I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
