THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
