You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
