I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
