I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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