Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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