Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have post one night stand depression
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