forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
