I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
