i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
