I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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