There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
