Can Purell be used as lube?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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