...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
