before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
