Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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