If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
