Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she looked like the before picture.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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