if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
