I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
