ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
