And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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