no, he came in my armpit
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
