how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
