rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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