"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone came in the potted fern
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
