first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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