Me. At least after what I've been through.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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