i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
