I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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