how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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