Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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