Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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