Soap is not a condiment
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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