I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He is an equal opportunity slut.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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