What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
