Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
