I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
