If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
