Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
