you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
is it fun? or sober?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
