anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
