Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
