If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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