Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
